There’s so much stuff that goes on that I can’t blog about because it just doesn’t fit at the time or isn’t appropriate. But some things are too good to leave in the closet, so without identifying anyone, here’s the juice that didn’t make it first time around.
*The time I went to an awards ceremony that, as time wore on and despite the luminary nominee list (including Beyonce), the only celebs to turn up were a dragon and an ex-morning tv presenter. It was clearly going to be an excruciating evening and nobody could face the list of ‘unable to be here’ so we let the host know we were leaving only to have her assistant literally chase us down the street. I never knew I could run in heels. By piling into a Lebanese café, where the staff were very surprised that we’d dressed up for the occasion, we managed to lose her.
*The day a very young PR sat me down and explained to me very, very carefully and slowly that the shimmer body spray she was showing me was the world’s first ever glittery body spray.
*At a charity event where I was supposed to be answering beauty questions and ended up being accosted by a (very glamorous) transsexual who only wanted to talk about old Charlie’s Angels episodes for nearly an hour and didn’t ask one single question about beauty.
*When I was asked to work on a project because they didn’t want to ‘insult’ their regular beauty editor by asking her at such short notice and they didn’t think I’d be busy. Barrel scraped.
*Wearing fake Chanel to a Chanel launch. I called it a tribute but they did not.
*Finally identifying a troll. Oh, yes.
*At an awards night where the wrong person went to get the award. She got all the way to the stage and back before realising it wasn’t for her. Awkward.
*Being asked to do what I thought was a small presentation for eight people and walking into a room of eighty with stage, microphone and screen. Totally misheard.
*Discovering that my former blogspot url had been turned temporarily into a porn site.
*Being sent, um, stimulators and being expected to post about them on a beauty blog.
*My life time’s most slutty moment. Dashing to an event already very late and half way down Oxford Street feeling all is not well in my jeans. A quick feel revealed I’d been carrying yesterday’s undies (same jeans from the day before) down the back of my jeans. Holding yesterday’s undies in my hand on Oxford Street and shoving them into my Chanel handbag, mortified. Arrive at event and PR snatches bag from my hand asking if she can hold it. Praying almost on my knees she doesn’t open it….
*Being contacted by disgruntled ex-employees of one of my least favourite brands who want to meet to dish up the truth.
*Being offered a wasabi pea at a posh dinner and spitting it out in shock in front of everyone.
*Receiving a blanket as a press gift that I hated, cutting it up and putting in the dogs’ baskets and then being told its value was over £300. Sleep well, dogs.
*Desperately trying to make conversation with a client and from nowhere came the fact that horse-riders lose their pubic hair from saddle-rub. He said, ‘my daughters are keen riders’.