If you haven’t heard of the infamous Paris cabaret, Crazy Horse, then brace yourselves, because it is making its London Debut on the Southbank. I went last night and to be honest, didn’t really do any fact finding first which in hindsight is probably just as well. In the back of my mind I thought it was a burlesque show and while it has some burlesque elements it is far more full-on than that! Not so much a titilation but more an outright assault – if you aren’t prepared!

Briefly, Crazy Horse is a nude cabaret. The performers are practically goddesses; I have never seen such beautiful bodies in my entire life. They are all virtually the same tall height, the same measurements, the same breasts, the same wigs and it’s absolutely fascinating. They’re performing some pretty intricate and, ahem, athletic routines and yet despite that their bodies are soft and feminine with no gym-bunny muscles getting in the way of the g-strings. Reading up (a little late to the research party), the performers are mainly from Russia and Eastern Europe and a more perfect-body line up you could not hope to find. 

We had a little attempt at intellectualising (wonderful choreography, amazing lighting etc, etc) but the big debate of the night was merkins or dye? While you pretty soon forget that everyone is topless, the downstairs department was a source of much conjecture – and you’d have to see it to understand. It is an amazing show but you’d have to leave your feminism at the door I think and be pretty open minded. I cringed a bit at the cat-calling men – ew – but on the whole it isn’t sleazy at all – just rather riveting in many, many ways!

So, this brings me round to saying that just as the performers are all dopplegangers, they are all wearing the same lip colour too – Benefit’s Flirt Alert in the wowest red I’ve seen in a while. If you love red lips and haven’t discovered Flirt Alert then you are missing out. 

Crazy Horse Pictures courtesy of CHERIE CITY